Since I was leading a discussion after the Bully movie on Saturday, I put on a suit and curled my hair.
While driving my son, David, to visit an AddFamily friend, I asked him, “How do I look?”
David now 11-1/2 sits in the front seat with me more often now, so we had a clear view of each other.
His placid, matter of fact (almost deadpan) answer was surprising, “Really ugly.”
I laughed with the joy I always feel at his honesty and/or humor (not knowing which it might be), and asked, “Why?”
“Because you look like you are ‘trying to look pretty’ by curling your hair.”
With more open and curious questions he clarified, “Your hair looks weird curled because it is not what you look like, your hair is prettier the way it normally is.”
Honesty! This is what we get to love about preteen kids getting waves of hormones.
The gift of hormone-laden people, like toddlers and elders, is that we need less political correctness. Wouldn’t it be great if EVERYONE forgave everyone else for bluntness?
It is up to me as recipient to NOT take things personally.
When I look for the truth of David’s honesty, I am happiest that he feels safe to be that blunt with me There was PLENTY of acknowledgement in what he said for me to see truth in his choice of words. Lots of exposure to children helps me hear the whole, real message most children are giving, ~ and it is not that different with many adults! All parents can learn (choose) to see bluntly honesty as a clear reflection of the values we have consistently lived.
I will not stop curling my hair (as infrequently as it happens) since I like the way it looks curled AND straight.
Rather, I will be adding extra gratitude for the light of truth that shines in my home with a child who is getting more of his hormones every day.
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You’ve a great mom, and David’s a great kid. I think that about sums it up.